SEEKING CONSTANT PERFECTIONISM…CAN BE SOUL DESTROYING…

“I am perfectly imperfect”…I am sure these words just grate on your nerves if you deem perfectionism to be the all and end of all…but please keep reading as I want to help you to be more enlightened and empowered if you feel you are stuck in the Perfectionistic trap!!!! I have been there and now I would like to share with you in this article all I have learned and experienced myself about feeling the “need to be perfect” and the same patterns which run in so many of my clients.

Being perfect is an idealism which starts off for the right reasons as you will see below but usually ends binge the detriment of your health and happiness and peace of mind…That end result is what I have experienced first hand!!! I was never enough in my own mind no matter how perfect I tried to be or no matter how hard I worked or studied…when i got teeter and achieved what I set out to, it never was quite right or what I expected…  I still felt inside somehow to still be lacking or needing something…..

Seeking perfectionism all of the time is setting you up for emptiness, disappointment and failure…you can keep seeking it and then when you think you have gotten there there is still disappointment, and an underlying feeling that it wasn’t enough

I want to be crystal clear here seeking Excellence and Perfectionism are different.Excellence is aiming for the absolute best and knowing with complete satisfaction that you have achieved it but yet at the same time if you do not achieve it, it does not mean it is a life and death situation, you know and believe it to be true that the end result or the situation or whatever it is,  is no reflection upon your self worth or your identity… you see it as a role or a job or a task…not something which defines you…

Perfectionism is where your self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence are usually all intertwined. more on this in just a moment…

Remember, Perfectionism, like art is completely subjective…what you may deem to be perfect in your mind or in your world may not be what I see as being perfect or wonderful at all and that can be because we simply value different things and it has nothing got to do with you as a person or the standard you are trying to achieve…If you went to all your greta efforts to please me you or whoever at that moment you may be disappointed and feel not enough. This is why I say it is subjective and whatever you are amigo to achieve it must be for yourself and no one else otherwise you end up doing things all for the wrong reasons…

Getting things right, just right is a great feeling of satisfaction, it creates joy , pleasure and happiness,!

Let me ask you a few questions….

Is your perfectionism making you happy? 

Is it serving you today for the better perhaps like it once did in the past?..if so, keep at it.

If it is holding you back, limiting your life, stressing you out, putting you under pressure to succeed, raising your cortisol ( stress hormone)  levels, whacking out your adrenals, causing jaw and neck and shoulder tension and anxiety and knots in your tummy, then it is not serving you in positive way…

So why did you feel you had to be perfect in the first place or where did your perfectionistic persona come from?

There are countless life experiences which could have resulted in you developing this perfectionistic persona…Perhaps you got something wrong as a kid in the classroom and the teacher shamed you or told you you were stupid…

A parent or guardian may have compared you to other siblings, cousins, friends children etc so you may have felt you are not accepted as being yourself , if you are comparing yourself to others or you were compared previously to others..then immediately by default that means “you are lacking” somehow someway…

You may not have loved or safe or secure growing up but learned instead that you may be loved, or feel safe or secure or accepted or approved or praised or whatever if you were a better child, or you got better grades or you worked harder…through this conditioning you would have learned that trying to be perfect was the only way to change things but of course it never could or would change anything…

Were you or are you now constantly looking for approval, recognition, or to be seen or to be heard on some level, or to feel safe or cared for or to feel at peace or contentment or to be good at something or ….in put your own experiences here, what were you craving for, who’s attention or love did you crave most as a child?

Perhaps your perfectionism came from fear or exists today because of fear…fear that if you didn’t succeed, or get it right or get the done or get the grade or the result or whatever…that you would be shamed, embarrassed, humiliated, hurt, putdown, isolated, punished some how and so on…you may have fear today of starting something new in case it won’t turn out perfectly…e.g you won’t start the course in case you can’t do it, or you won’t complete your tasks which you need to do because you don’t have enough time to complete them perfectly… the list is endless, you need to apply your beliefs around perfectionism to your life and be honest and assess how it is impacting on your life.

The underlying current being that you do not want to fail or disappoint or get it wrong…

I worked with a lady recently who craved to be in a loving relationship with a good man more than anything in the world, she felt her life was passing her by and mr right never came along, the truth was she had loads of dates and opportunities to be in long term relationships but she repeated the same pattern over ran dover without even knowing it. As soon as someone tried to get close she found a way to shut them out in fear that “this relationship” wasn’t going to be the perfect one…so she ended up out of fear and out of trying for everything to be perfect to be in no relationship at all…

This is a massive subject and certainly not one that can just be sorted in just one article or one technique or by reading one book or by changing on eating or whatever, often there are many layers to these issues. I work with my clients one to one to help them delve deeper in a safe caring supporting environment and also I can help with my online life blossoming programme. We all need extra help or support at times so I urge you to get the help you need and stop the lingering daily suffering you are going through constantly trying to be perfect. The truth is…none of us are perfect, but we are all perfectly imperfect. We are all enough. We are all more than enough..but that’s where your belief system may not allow you to believe and accept that statement right now..that’s where you need professional help because it can be changed for the better. It is so possible for you to step into being your best self without any mind chatter that what you are doing is not enough or isn’t right on some level.

Here are a few steps you can take to help you change away from this self-limiting, self-sabotaging thought process and behaviour  

• By the very fact that you are now aware of it may be enough for you just to stop it
• You can change your negative beliefs to more positive supportive ones in relation to being enough and being successful and productive and so on e.g if you grew up believing that you were no good at something…change that belief…I am successful at giving everything my best.
• or if you grew up with the belief that you would only be loved if you were a good child or got high grades or were great at the housekeeping etc you can change that belief to one that is now supportive and true of yourself today. You are no longer that child, or that teenager or whatever…
• You must start loving yourself unconditionally.
• You must start accepting you for you and not what you do as defining you…
• You must do what you wan too do for yourself and not for others..otherwise you feel good only on the arrival of others… then they don’t deliver and you feel mad, sad, bitter angry at them and at yourself…

I can help you to be happy and confident in your skin so you are not constantly seeking perfection or the approval of others...

Here are three options for you…

1.To start your life blossoming journey today with me click here

2. Work with me in person one to one so we can work through very quickly what’s driving you, and look at breaking self-sabotaging patterns, self-limiting beliefs, past conditioning and so on to help you to strive in life as you deserve. Email me on gertrude@kinesicare.ie to schedule a coaching call or in person appointment.

3. Start today with the core fundamental steps to improving your health and happiness with my 7 step prescription for health. Click Here to access right away.

Thanks for being here,

Gertrude

0863888535

www.gertrudelawler.com